drunk night

i arrived to my home around 5 am .. trying to open the door but i cant .. mum heard my keys sound and open the door .. she was praying el fajr ..
why u late ? .. she asked me .. and i going street to my room .. closed the door and then my bed .. closed my eyes .. and started dreaming before sleep ..
i dreaming by call ..just a call from the guy i met from few day's the guy i feel his clam when i touched ..
wow .. i cant image that's it's the 1st time i feel a clam of guy from more than 2 years ..
every time i had fun .. i get non-enjoying .. but with him all was deff.
i dreaming by touched him again and kiss his lips
the time i met .. i had no fun with him .. but i was extremely happy .. just because i'm with him ..
i know .. maybe that's NOT love .. and maybe it's .. i miss him so much now.
now i'm in very bad mood ..and don't know what will happen..
beside um not sure about anythin .. like .. if i am into relationship or no .. ? my heart is ready for love ? ... my life is ready for partner ?
everythin is not going well .. rabena yestor